Day 145

"End of the Road" and the Architects of Optimism

During the last few weeks, I have really been thinking about what it is to be an artist (I use the term loosely) and why I do it. In the past six years, after winning an award I will always be grateful for, I "fell" into to western art. Growing up in Wyoming, it wasn't a stretch to wok in that style. Though as the years passed, I felt of something like an fake, because well... I'm no more a cowboy than I am a professional football player. As I have run out of models and inspiration for the style, it seems that it is an sign.

I spent the last week or so "saying goodbye" to art form. I went to some of my favorite mountain towns of Colorado and cleared my mind. I also had the chance to visit the gallery of where my favorite artist exclusively sold his work. They were gracious enough to show me his last few paintings and tell me stories of his life. It was a great experience. As I looked at his painting in awe, I couldn't help but think what his advice would be to me. It would probably have been something along the lines of, "If it's not fun, what keep doing it? And if it's not authentic to you, you are lying to you audience"...

After that trip, I heading to Wyoming for an art show. The show was definitely a low point in my career. Art is still in a recession. I felt that this was my best work to date, but yet, I sold for less that I have ever before. That is tough to handle.

The art auction consisted of two days: day one, the live auction (typical auction), day two, Quick draw live auction. This is where the artists have an hour to complete a piece and auction it off. By this time in the show, I'm pretty drained. I'm having an identity crisis as well as low sales in an auction. So, I do the quick draw, and I'm pretty much finish in the first 15 minutes (thanks to this blog) and I'm feeling pretty good about the drawing. However, I know that means nothing. So it comes time to auction the piece off and it does alright (after some hard work from the auctioneer). But, I'm still having a pretty good pity party for myself.

I had the chance to really talk to my parents about my frustrations and what lies ahead. And, as usual, they were there to listen and help me. My dad talked with me about optimism and how that is what he tries to portray and it the only thing he cares about in art. He is a true artist who really feels what is happening in his art, and if he doesn't "believe" in the piece, he won't do it. That is very commendable.

As I'm getting ready to head out of town and say goodbye to my family. I first say good bye to my parents. As I'm walking to my car, my mom says "Remember, Art is something you do for fun, it's not who you are"... Wow... that hit me pretty profoundly...

I then go to my grandmother's house to say goodbye. After being in her house for about 15 minutes, I finally notice the quick draw drawing from the day before hanging on her wall. She sees me staring it wondering how it got there. Right as I'm about to ask her if she bought it, she says, "your parents bought it." Now typically, it's considered an embarrassing bailout if/when your parents buy your stuff (especially at an auction), but this hit me differently. My parents were thoughtful enough to think about me and bail me out of a potentially embarrassing situation. And this drawing wasn't cheap either. As I tried to fight the tears back and call to thank my parents for their amazingly kind gesture, it hit me, this was not the weekend of identity crisis and failure; it was the weekend my parents showed me their love and support and once again how they are the greatest parents in the world.

So, today's blog is called, "'End of the Road' and the Architects of Optimism", as it is the last cowboy painting I did and will ever do, and for my parents who constantly remind me what is important in life.

I will never forget this weekend, Thanks, Mom and Dad!